Hot Renard On Woedinger Action! (HROWA!)
by NigelopiaHQ
Summary: Nigel Woedinger and his associate Omari Quadrutzlerai are whisked from 201X Nigelopia into 1792 Castlevania, just as Richter Belmont was about to enter Castlevania and take down Dracula. This event was Nigel's secret wish! As there was someone... he wanted to meet...! Join "The Great Nigel" on an epic journey involving all of your Rondo Of Blood Favorites! (Except Death.)


**Hot Renard On Woedinger Action! **

The year was 19XX. A legendary preppy boy named Nigel Woedinger was born into the world. He would do many things awesomely as he grew up. Fast forward to the year 20XX, the boy got his first Pokemon game and fell in love with his first anime styled girl, the lass from Pokemon Red. "Daaaaaamn, she's so cuute!" He prolly didn't actually say it like that, but that's what he'd have said if he weren't done with religion back then. Nigga, fast forward again to the year 201X. Nigel came across a series called Castlevania again, but this time was different: Rondo Of Blood. Sure, it had the typical nonsense with the awesome Richter Belmont getting killed by all the crazy enemies until someone with actual skill played. But there was another character you could use...! Maria Renard...! Ohh yeaaaah...! This sexy little 12 year old piece of awesome can do things the Belmont's could never fathom! She was the way better character with double jumps, animal friends that she controlled, the guardian knuckle and of course, sliding, kinda like Mega Man! He INSTANLY fell in love with this little blondie! Nigel's mostly talking about the 1993 version of Renard, but the 2007 version is cute, too! Maria's just a cute character overall, y'know? But Nigel wanted to know everything about her! So, he got his hands on the Dracula X Chronicles... and quickly learned NOT to step out of his comfort zone... "Ohh, I suck at that game... but Maria... she's so cute, so pretty, so beautiful... so delicate... I'd protect that little 12 year old girl with my life! I know she can fight very well herself, and my man Richter's there to help her too, but I wanna be with Maria!" He said it out loud... and then all of a sudden Omari and Ricardo came in. Omari is an American associate of his and Ricardo is a Nigelopian Scientific genius, also his friend.

Ricky: Nigel, I need you and Omari to test out my time machine. Can you do that?

Nigel: Yes. We're going to the year 1792. *Teleports*

Omari: Wha- *Teleports*

Ricky: Oh. Okay. Hey Racheeeel! Prepare your butt! *Rubs hands Together*

We goin' back in da dayss, motha fucka. Nigel and Omari landed in the year 1792, right before Richter Belmont was about to enter Castlevania and save Annete along with Tera, Iris and...!

Nigel: MARIAAAA!

Richter: What the?!

Omari: He does that sometimes.

Nigel: Richteeeer. Yo.

Richter: Sup, Nigel. You ready to go kick some Dracula ass?

Nigel: Yeaah. DAAAAAAAMNNNNNNN! *Points Fist at Castlevania* We're gonna give him a good HY-DRO-STORM.

Omari: Well, I'll be here with ya. This place's got some sick music.

Nigel: That's Rondo of Blood for ya.

Richter: *Prepares Whip* Alright boys... Let's do this!

The three courageous gents ran inside DAT cASStle. They fought a buncha random stuff that were all ugly. But since it was in the anime style, it wasn't that ugly. Screw DXC. Epic music played in the background! They got to the stage 2 part where Richter grabbed the key.

Omari: What the flagnogg? A frikkin demon minotaur behind us?!

Nigel: Run the fuck away. Not that hard.

Richter: By the way, Nigel...

Nigel: Yeah, RIchter?

Richter: Who's... "Maria"?

Omari: (Oh God. Nigel's about to frikkin screw up time.)

Nigel: *Blush* Ohhhh...

Nigel was fantasizing, yo.

Fantasy Maria: I love the way you touch me, Mr Nigel...!

Nigel: Please, sweetie... Just call me... Niiigeeel...

Fantasy Maria: Okay! If that's what you want! Tee hee...

Back to life, back to reality.

Nigel: Ohhhh...

Richter: Umm, Nigel? Heh...

Omari: Yo Richter, we gotta move.

Richter: Yeah... you gotta point, Omari. Dracula must be stopped, and the girls saved! *Whips*

Nigel: Then lez get this DOOOOOONEEEE!

Omari: You just sorta conked out there, Sonic.

So, the three moved to the door that contained a certain someone...! Shaft was in there.

Shaft: This girl is so strong! She could beat the shit outta me, Death, Dracula, the Belmonts, and even Nigel! Errybody!

Nigel: Nigga, get outta here and go work the shaft.

Shaft: ...I knew what I was getting into when I gave those documents to social security.

Richter: It's over, Shaft. Get away from that little girl!

Shaft: DAAAAAAAAMNNNN! *Teleports*

Omari: Don't work too hard, yo!

Richter: That little girl in the blue light...! Nigel, grab her ass she falls slowly. Be gentle...

Nigel: *Blush* G-gotcha...

She fell into Nigel's arms and slowly opened her innocent eyes...

Maria: W-who are you, mister? A good guy? *Blink*

Nigel: Yeah... *Stares Lovingly*

Maria: That's good... *Blush*

Nigel: And you're a good girl...! *Pokes her nose*

Maria: Ohhh! Hee hee hee!

Richter: The name's RIchter Belmont. Be careful Nigel, her power is immense.

Omari: Yeah, I can sense it too. She's so unbelieveably strong, she's even stronger than Dracula! What's your name?

Maria talked, but she kept her eyes on the boy holding her...

Maria: *Blush* I'm Maria Renard! My family hunts vampires just like Richter! So we should all be friends! *Pokes Nigel's nose* Right, Mr. Nigel? ;)

Nigel: *Blush* Eheheheheeee... Please call me, Nigel, honey...!

Maria: Okaaaay! I'll call you Nigie! *Kisses Nigel on cheek* Thanks so much for saving me, Nigie! :D

Nigel: Ahhh... You're welcome, Maria...

Richter: Nigel, why don't you stay here and protect Maria?

Maria: NOOOOO! I WANNA GO WITH YOUUUUU!

All of a sudden this huge... fuckin'... like... DRAGON comes down from like OUTER FUCKING SPACE, BLAASTTSSS THIS FUCKING HOLE IN THE FUCKIN' LIke... WALL!

Nigel: DAAAAAAAAAAMNNN!

Richter: Such power... Such immense power...! A Little 12 year old girl!

Nigel: You're so strong and cute, Ms. Renard!

Maria: *Blush* Hee hee hee! What's your last name, Nigel?

Nigel: I am Nigel... Woedinger.

Maria: Hmmm... Maria Woedinger...

Nigel: Wait, huh?!

Maria: *Sticks out tounge* Just thinking out loud! Ha ha ha!

Nigel: *Blush* I do that all the time, ya know!

Maria: You understand me!

Omari: Can we go, please?!

Nigel and Maria: OH! SURE!

Richter: Hmmm...

So they continued they continued! Their epic jew knee! To have dinna wit Dracula! Maria and Nigel held hands! She doesn't need to fight because Castlevania 3: Dracula's Curse was the only game the person controlling RIchter had for 30 years. Castlevania GOD.

Maria: *Blush* N-Nigie?

Nigel: *Blush* Yeah, Maria?

Maria: Umm...uh... do you like me? *Blushes Harder*

Nigel: Of course I do!

Maria: No... I mean like... *Blushes Harder-er* Like a girlfriend! *Covers Mouth*

Richter and Omari: WHAT THE FLAGGNOGG?!

Richter lost a life.

Nigel kneeled down and got all up in that pretty little thang's grill!

Nigel: I just said of course... I love a girl who's strong and beautiful!

Maria: *Squeals Happily* Ahhhh! I'm gonna marry you Nigel! As long as somebody else sings at our wedding! I don't like singing!

Nigel: Me Neither! Although I'm pretty good...!

Maria: Oh, Mr. Nigie...!

Nigel: Drop the mister, sweetie. Let's go in that other room over there! We need some alone time...

Maria: Ooooh...!

So Nigel and Maria went into Tera's room. Omari waited outside for Richter to get back to that part of the stage. Fuck.

Omari: Shit.

Narrator: No, Fuck.

Omari: Shitty Shit.

Narrator: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY MC FUCK.

Omari: Whoa, can't argue with that.

Meanwhile, inside the door, Nigel had already removed most of Maria's clothes.

Maria: Eeee~! My breasts were so cold after staying in the air for so long... When you touched them, you made them nice and warm! It feels good...

Nigel: Just relax, my darling Maria... I'm not even close to being done with you... :) Come closer, my little flower!

Maria: Yay! :D

Tera: Oh? Is that thing Maria's doing with her mouth going to help save me...?

Nigel: Yes. It charges me with energy, so I could save you.

Maria: Mmmm...

Tera: Oh thank heavens! Maria and Nigel... The Holy Mother and Father...!

Maria and Nigel: *Blush*

Maria: Holy Mother...?

Nigel: Ahh, yeah... I love Maria! Holy or no holy!

Maria: Oh, Nigel! I hope my parents approve of my love for you in Heaven! You're the bestest boy ever!

Nigel: You're the bestest girl!

The two began to kiss vigorously. Instagram Bitch.

Tera: Way ahead of ya, narrator. HROWA!

Right Though?!

Maria: You can go now, miss! Nigie and I have to... work!

Tera: You're an angel! Piece!

I like how she spelled peace fuckin wrong.

Nigel: Yup, sent straight from heaven, you are, Renard! *Pokes her breasts*

Maria: Eeeeeee~! Touch me some more, Mr. Nigel!

Back to Omari.

Tera: Oh hi, O.

Omari: Where's Nigel and Maria?

Tera: Oh, they're doin' some Fuck in the other room.

Narrator: TOld youuuu!

Omari: Shut it!

Tera: Is your arm okay?

Omari: Wrong CHARACTER!

Richter: SUP! Just saved Iris and came back here!

Maria: Nigel just came back here too...

Nigel and Maria: If ya know what we meaaaaan~!

Richter: Nigel! What have you been doing?! You're like... I dunno either 16 or 17 and you're doing all that with a 12 year old girl?!

Nigel: Aw come on ! Maria's waaaaay more cute and sexy than any of the girls my age!

Omari: Dude, you know that's pedophilia, right?

Nigel: Maria's above age 11.

Maria: Mm hmm! And we're both minors! So THERE! *Kisses Nigel*

This frikkin dragon was sent right at the others and Maria just kept kissing her tall lover.

Richter: GODDAMMIT!

Maria: Mmmm... *Kiss Smooch Suck*

Nigel: Mmmmm...*Kiss Smooch Suck*

Iris: Wow... Are your arms hurt?

Richter: Iris, my wrist is fine! I beat the dragon, Maria! Now come here! It's not safe over there!

Nigel: Guys come- ON! My aunt and uncle are 10 YEARS APART! I am like five years apart from this little lady in my current config, and you're saying I can't be with her?!

Maria: Hee hee! Guess what Richter...? Nigel touched me in all my favorite spots! He touched my breasts so warmly... and we just kept kissing eachother! And he taught me new things about my body! *Blush* And Then... hee hee! He stroked my legs...! I'm happier now, because I understand myself better! *Kisses Nigel Again* Nigel makes me so happy! Please let me be with him, Richter? Pleeeeaaaase? :)

Richter: Maria... I see. It's okay then. You can love Nigel if you want, and Nigel? You can love Maria if you want. It's okay.

Omari: I guess.

Nigel: OHMAIGAWDI'MSOHAPPY!

Maria: Yay! Now we gotta find Annete so I can ask her to let me marry Nigel!

RIchter: Alright! Everyone, let's move on!

Maria: See Nigel? Good always wins!

Nigel: You better belieeeeeve it doeeees!

SO they went through some more shit play the fucking game for christ's sake. They got to an evil Annete! On SHIT!

Annete: All of you, come join me... It feels great...

Nigel: What happened?!

Maria: She-She's evil now! She didn't make it, Richter!

RIchter: Oh no...

Omari: Assssss...

Nigel: *Walks up to Annete* I call bullshit!

Annete: Nigel...? Will you be the first...? Come closer... and let me liberate you.

Nigel: Your sister's amazing.

Annete: ...What? Oh, Maria...

Nigel: Yea. Off the chain.

Annete: THe Chain is not complete.

Nigel: Fuck off.

Maria: Oh Nigie... :3

Richter: Nigel!

Annete: *Grabs Nigel* Feel the Vampire's kiss... and become one with us, Nigel Woedinger... Truust me... this power is great... you'll love it more than you love Maria!

Nigel: No! I ain't lovin' nothin' more than that spicy thang over there!

Maria: NIGEEEEELELELELE!

All of All of a sudden this huge... fuckin'... like... DRAGON comes down from like OUTER FUCKING SPACE, BLAASTTSSS THIS FUCKING HOLE IN THE FUCKIN' LIke... WALL!

Nigel: Wow, Maria... You make life worth living...

Annete: RICHTEEEEERRRR!

RIchter: Oh my God Annete.

Omari: Relax, Maria just purified her and crap.

Annete: Ungh... Mmm...

Nigel: Are you okay? Can you get up off me?

Annete: Ungh... I think so...

Maria: Annete...

Annete: Good job, kiddo. Strongest character in the frachise besides Adrian.

RIchter: Well, we should go to Dracula, doe.

Maria and Nigel kissed vigorously some more. Daayum they into it!

Nigel: MMMmmm...

Maria: Mmmmm...

Richter: Wow... They just don't stop.

Omari: Right?

Maria: *Blush* Hee hee! Let's go fight Dracula!

Nigel: I'm ready to introduce Dracula to mai Nipples of Steel! WAIT, NO, I MEAN KNUCKLES! Only Renard gets my nipples.

Richter: THat's the way!

So they went third some more shit some more shit then they shitted to shaft.

Nigel: Shaft! YA DIG?!

Shaft: STAHP

Omari: SHUT.

So, will there be a sonic generations 3

Gay Maker: Ahhhhh orewa, totzuke con sabatele bashi, unhole wa e un shite, si un u bale TOE-

Nobody asked you.

Richter: Shaft! Your molestation of tiny peeps ends here!

Shaft: Maria's with ya?! I'm screwed!

Maria: *Wags FInger* Eh heh heh! Yes you aaaaareee...

Omari: You singing voice is terrible.

Maria: Waah! Nigie!

Nigel walked up to omari slapped the SHIT and the BLACK outta dat Nigga.

Nigel: THat's not nice.

Maria: Eeeee~! I got myself a maaan!

Omari: Hello. I am now white.

DHaft: Apparently, he's white.

Shaft: Get the fuck outta here DHaft, you fucking PUnk.

DHaftL But I was up all night just to get lucky!

Shaft: Do I LOOK like I GIVE a SHAFT?!

Omari: Quit lollygaging and fetch my crumpted tea with scones.

Richter: The brit... it buuuurrrnnssss!

SHaft: Maria, I can give you some singing lessons. In the dark, at mah house, by yourself.

Dragon came from dat wall.

Shaft: HAYAHAYAYAYAAAA! Dead.

Richter: Okay, let's go!

Nigel: See you in SOTN!

Maria: *Blows Kiss at Nigel*

So they went more places yaaaaaaaay. They kept going yaaaaaaay. Richter lost a life and omari became asian... Yaaaaaaaaay-

Now Dracula.

Dracula: Die monster, you don't belong in my castle.

Nigel: It is not by my hand that I am once again turned on by an underage girl. I was called here by breasts who wish to rub on my bod.

Dracula: Breasts?! You steal the girls' childhood, and expose them to sexual happiness!

Nigel: Perhaps the same could be said of all preists. Like shaft, ya dig?

Dracula: You words are so raunchy. To hell with your love for girls! They don't need your touch.

Nigel: What is a touch?! A way for me to let Maria know how soft her skin is, and how hot she is... Ahhhh...

Maria: Nigel... :)

Nigel: I'll always love ya, Maria Renard! You're one of my favorite girls ever!

Maria: I'll always love ya too, Nigel! *Blows Kiss*

Dragooooooonnnaaa! Dracula got slammed, doe.

Dracula: Ohh...

Richter: Go get im, Nigel!

Nigel: Final smash! Yowza! *Nigga kicked Dracula in the nuts.*

Dracula: AAAASSSSSSSSSSS. This world needed cleansing! I have power, so I'm better!

Maria: No matter how you try to butter it up, a bad thing is still bad!

Richter: Evil institutions will merely fall to ruin!

Nigel: I'm a nigga! Omari used to be a nigga!

Omari: Galric!

Dracula: Faggot. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAAHA! We will meet again blood of belmont..and blood of black men! SNSNSNSNNDNDAAAAA!

Nigel: Don't ferget asians.

Dracula: Here we go wit da bullshit.

Nigel: Pakistanies, Jewish, Antonio Banderas,

Dracula: Here we go wit da bullshit. AHHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DEAD

They left, castle collasped! Nigel and Maria had... happy time again!

Nigel: Well, it's time for me to go!

Omari: Me too, I'm back to nigga mode!

Richter: Farewell! Thanks for all ya did.

Iris, Tera and Annete: Farewell Brave Chocolate Knights!

Nigel* Thumbs Up*

Omari: *Peace Sign*

Ricardo: You ain't goin' nowhere. You stuck in 1792. *Slaps Rachel's Ass*

Omari: Oh. Okay. We're still here.

Maria hid behind Richter's leg.

Richter: Maria? What's wong?

Maria: I... don't want my boyfriend to leave... *Sniffle* ):

Nigel: Maria... I'm staying here with you forever. :)

Maria: *Gasp* Ohhhh! :D

The two of em hugged again. Yeah yeah.

Maria: Annete, I'm marrying him!

Nigel: Please, Annete? I'll take good care of Maria! I promise! Besides, she's gonna be doin' most of the care with that power.

Annete: Okaaaaaay. I'm doin' my nails.

Tera: Wait, what year is i-

So they got married there was big wedding and everything. Dracula and shaft were there, smokin' weed.

Shaft: Ehoing,, does a nigga take Maria, the lil' chick wit da powa as his guuurl?

Nigel: Yes. Because her teeth do great on my dick.

Shaft: Does the lil' lady take Niggal?

Maria: Hee hee! Of course I do!

Shaft: Ya'll is hubby and waifu. Go fuck eaachother.

Nigel and Maria kissed, then he picked her up and they ran to the back to go do some more fucking...

Nigel: Prepare that delicate little anus, my flower.

Maria: *Blush* Mmmm... *Leans on Nigel*

Omari: Imagine, Nigel, Married. Pretty friggin awesome.

Narrator: Pretty FUCKIN awesome.

Omari: Shut the hell up piss ass mutha bitch cunt go get a REAL job!

Narrator: *High Pitched Voice* "Ehhhh Go GIT A REEEAL JOB!" Least I pay my taxes outta POCKET, BITCH.

Dracula: I'm so fuckin high right now.

Shaft: But Eye Alreadee Paied mai Tithe Samuel

Richter: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN ALIE-

Next thing ya know the church they were gettin married at was flame hyenarding. But they were in the back, fucking.

Maria: Ahhh... ooooh... eeeee~...!

Nigel: Such a nice worker... Ungh...!

So, Nigel's lovin' that! THE END MUTHA FUCKKAKAKAAAAAA!

HROWA


End file.
